Remember the days of the old schoolyard? Remember when Myspace was a thing? Remember those time-wasting, laborious quizzes that everyone used to love so much? Birthday Cake For Breakfast is bringing them back!
Every couple of weeks, an unsuspecting band will be subject to the same old questions about dead bodies, Hitler, crying and crushes.
This week: Martin, Ben, Phil and Steff of the uncompromising gash-pop mega-group FALLS.
Martin: 30/Yep/A house full of used nappies and puppy piss in Flintshire.
Have you ever seen a dead body?
Phil: Yup, used to work in a hospital so I saw hundreds. Also I murdered a bunch of vagrants at train stations throughout the early noughties.
Who is your favourite Simpsons character?
Steff: Hank Scorpio
What T-Shirt are you wearing?
Ben: I’m in my pyjamas because it’s 7:30 on a Thursday night and Dinner Date has literally just finished.
What did your last text message say?
Phil: The last message I received was from Ben (bassist) saying, “Enjoy your slow death”.
What’s the last song you listened to?
Martin: Macklemore – Downtown. It is shit hot.
How did you meet the people in your band?
Steff: Terrible bands, but good old days.
What’s the first record you bought?
Martin: Hearsay’s first album. Shit hot.
What was your favourite VHS growing up?
Martin: South Park: The Movie or The Jungle Book, or the ones my dad used to hide from us.
When was the last time you cried?
Phil: HODOR, mate. Fucking HODOR.
Have you ever kissed someone & regretted it?
Phil: No all of my kisses are very well considered.
Best Physical Feature?
Steff: Gun Show.
Worst physical feature?
Phil: I have the biceps of a nine year old.
Reasonably ok/not bad feature that you’re not fussed about?
Martin: My ears – I can make them twerk.
Do you have any pets?
Phil: Yes I have a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel cross Poodle called Arch, he’s the tits. I also have a really nice koi pond, my favourite fish is called Darnell.
Ever picked up any injuries on tour?
Martin: Broken foot/torn sciatic nerve/dislocated my collarbone three times, nearly paralysed myself when I LITERALLY flew 6/7 feet off a table and landed spine-first on the side of it as it fell over.
What did you do for your last birthday?
Phil: I think I just stayed home and nursed a pregnant woman. Partaay.
Name something you CANNOT wait for?
Phil: A nuclear holocaust.
Do you have a crush on someone?
Phil: I have tons of crushes. My crushes are not shackled by conventions such as sexuality or gender. I think I fancy Jason Momoa just as much as I fancy Natalie Dormer.
What’s the shittest experience you’ve had as a musician?
Martin: Having a drummer quit an old band minutes after I dropped a grand on a new van for us.
If you could go back in time, how far would you go?
Martin: Dead far.
How do you want to die?
Phil: In an ideal world a piano would fall on me in about 5 minutes but I’m willing to embrace the grim inevitability that I’ll succumb to a number of heart attacks in my early fifties.
What’s your favourite thing about pizza?
Steff: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
What are you craving right now?
Ben: More Dinner Date.
Have you ever been on a horse?
Phil: I like horses but I haven’t been on one as an adult mainly because of the RULES. I don’t want to wear a stupid hat and jodhpurs when I ride a horse I just want to wear a white silk shirt unbuttoned to the waist and have my hair dance about in the evening sun.
What did you dream about last night?
Martin: Falling into the sea, but instead of water, there was billions of ants. They were all really friendly.
If you could go back in time and kill the baby Hitler, would you?
Steff: I’d Volley him into the Sea.
Do you like Chinese food?
Martin: ALL DAY. Crispy shredded chicken in sweet and sour sauce.
Have you ever been on TV?
Steff: Yes, recently. A Welsh version of “Educating Yorkshire* was made at the School I work at. I can be seen strutting down the corridors, bundling children out of my way because “Fuck them, I have Computers to fix”.
Ever meet someone famous?
Phil: Well, I’ve played with some pretty ‘famous’ bands. Enter Shikari are legit FAMOUS and Jason Butler from Letlive is pretty famous. I recently met Ainsley Harriott and Craig Charles at a Funk n Soul party and it was incredible.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Martin: Sexually active.
FALLS have a brand spanking new EP out called ‘One Hundred Percent Strong’, available now through Venn Records. It’s full of riffs. Pick up a copy by clicking below.