a/s/l ATG Special: Classically Handsome Brutes

Remember the days of the old schoolyard? Remember when Myspace was a thing? Remember those time-wasting, laborious quizzes that everyone used to love so much? Birthday Cake For Breakfast is bringing them back! 

Every couple of weeks, an unsuspecting band will be subject to the same old questions about dead bodies, Hitler, crying and crushes.  

With ArcTanGent Festival being a mere week away, Birthday Cake For Breakfast reached out to a number of bands on the bill – mainly the likely highlights of the festival! This edition: Classically Handsome Brutes!


Jack: 21, Male, A room covered in dirty clothes and suspicious stains in Manchester.
Harry:  21/not yet/naked in bed *looks at camera and winks*
Will: 21, yes, Leeds.

Have you ever seen a dead body?
Will: Only on television. It looked like it didn’t smell very nice.

Who is your favourite Simpsons character?
Will: Lenny is pretty rad.
Jack: Hans Moleman.

What T-shirt are you wearing?
I am wearing no shirt. I am in bed wearing some very comfortable Christmas themed pants.
Harry: No.

What did your last text message say?
Jack: My last text was from my brother saying ‘I’m at a party and there’s a pikachu nearby and I can’t go get it fs’
Harry: Mum: Carpets all sorted x

What’s the last song you listened to?
Jack: Mastiff by Falls, absolute party banger.
Harry: Bryson Tiller – Exchange.

How did you meet the people in your band?
Jack: We all went to school together, which lead to doing stupid shit and skating together, which lead to playing together.

What’s the first record you bought?
Jack: First one I bought with my own money was ‘Hybrid Theory’ and ‘Meteora’ by Linkin Park at the same time; solid albums still.
Will: The first S Club 7 album. It had them all on the front looking very late nineties/early noughties sitting on a rock. They looked lovely.

What was your favourite VHS growing up?
Harry: The cartoon version of Lord of the Rings, the black riders were brown in it, blew my mind.
Will: The Come Outside episode about how toothpaste is made.

When was the last time you cried?
Jack: I have really intense hayfever, so all the time.
Harry:  Onions.

Have you ever kissed someone & regretted it?
Jack: An old, drunk woman in a bar I work at kissed me and grabbed my junk once, it was one of the most scarring things to ever happen to me.

Best Physical Feature?
: I have lovely hair.

Worst physical feature?
Jack: My face, I look like a cross between Phil Mitchell and Chief Wiggum.

Reasonably ok/not bad feature that you’re not fussed about?
Harry:  The dentist clean smile I get with my Oral B plus.

Do you have any pets?
Jack: In Leeds I have a dog called Lenny and two cats called Tyrone and Reginald D. Fluffington the 3rd (genuinely)
Harry: An obese cat called Frank, but he’s 18 and just shits on the carpets now.

Ever picked up any injuries on tour?
Will: I always manage to cut my hands open drumming.

What did you do for your last birthday?
Harry: Crushed capitalism.
Will:I did the Wade Boggs 100 beer challenge. I got to 22 beers and sung Never Meant by American Football very loud and fell asleep.

Name something you CANNOT wait for?
Jack: ATG
Will: ATG
Harry: ATG

Do you have a crush on someone?
Will: Michelle Obama. She seems nice.

What’s the shittest experience you’ve had as a musician?
Will: Our next single is named after a manager who wanted to rerecord our songs to make them more radio friendly and her office was in a shit industrial estate in Sheffield overlooking a river covered in a layer of grime. That was pretty up there.

If you could go back in time, how far would you go?
Jack: I’d probably go back as far as when they were shooting Robocop 3 and just say ‘Stop.’

How do you want to die?
Harry: Riding a motorbike strapped to an atom bomb out of a helicopter shirtless firing two automatic rifles deep into Nazi territory going “AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
Jack: Being fired out of a catapult towards the sun, then falling directly back down to earth and landing on Katie Hopkins.
Will: Doing that thing where people try to run across a swimming pool filled with custard.

What’s your favourite thing about pizza?
Will: Dipping the crust in the tiny pot of garlic dip. There’s never enough of that though.

What are you craving right now?
Jack: Pizza after that question.

Have you ever been on a horse?
Will: I once went horse riding with Jack when we were about 16 and he got really scared because they were bigger than he thought.
Jack: Once, I now have a slight fear of horses.

What did you dream about last night?
Jack: Walking up a hill of, what I think was, piles and piles of kidney beans and I woke up before I got to the top. I have no idea what this means or whether I should be worried.

If you could go back in time and kill the baby Hitler, would you?
Harry:  No, I’d hire an ethnically diverse team and nearly kill him and they’d all rush in and save him. Then me and grown-up Hitler would be watching like in A Christmas Carol and he’d say “Oh my god I am such a silly idiot” and I’d say “I don’t speak your crazy language lol”.

Do you like Chinese food?
Jack: All day, every day, every damn day.

Have you ever been on TV?
Harry: Yes but then was forcible ejected from Currys.

Ever meet someone famous?
Will: James Martin signed a photo of a cake I made from one of his cook books and he seemed very impressed by it.
Harry: Ian McKellen came to our school and that was sick, didn’t meet him though.

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Jack: Able to touch my toes.
Harry: Masseuse to the stars.
Will: Jeremy Corbyn.

Classically Handsome Brutes are playing ArcTanGent this year and you’d be daft to miss them! They’ve also got something to announce very, very, very soon – so keep your eyes peeled!

Like what you see? Why not stick around and check out the other articles and interviews!
Don’t forget to follow Birthday Cake For Breakfast on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter!


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