Remember the days of the old schoolyard? Remember when Myspace was a thing? Remember those time-wasting, laborious quizzes that everyone used to love so much? Birthday Cake For Breakfast is bringing them back!
Every couple of weeks, an unsuspecting band will be subject to the same old questions about dead bodies, Hitler, crying and crushes.
With ArcTanGent Festival being a mere week away, Birthday Cake For Breakfast reached out to a number of bands on the bill – mainly the likely highlights of the festival! This edition: Joseph Thorpe of Body Hound!
27/Male/My old room at my parents house, surrounded by fatigue and farts.
Have you ever seen a dead body?
Every time I verbally roast somebody I see their lifeless trash body floating out to space. Their friends and family laugh at it while they admire and compliment me.
Who is your favourite Simpsons character?
Dr Hibbert because I voice him.
What T-Shirt are you wearing?
My tits are out for BCFB readers/my neighbours enjoyment and horror.
What did your last text message say?
“Hahaha mate male”
What’s the last song you listened to?
A live and untitled Body Hound song on YouTube because I just discovered you can now adjust the play speed settings on the desktop version. It were right funny.
How did you meet the people in your band?
Myself and the other Joe (Nicholson) went to the same C of E Primary School. He moved from a different school when he was about nine and we bonded over a love of… nothing until we were teenagers, actually – Then it was punk music. Although, we did have Classical guitar lessons together. I was shit. He could play Romanza seemingly from the off. I didn’t meet Calvin until I was sixteen or seventeen. I think he was friends with a girl I was at Sixth form with. He quickly established himself as the most hilarious person of all time, and then revealed he could play guitar better than Eric Clapton. He’s also mint at piano, since you asked. I met Ryan because he lived with Producer Jason Sanderson, who did The Rolling Stones’ first album Hysterical Michael Buble Fan and a few other recordings. I used to bump into him in their flat in Barnsley when he emerged from his cave to kick t’fuck out of his punchbag. Jason’s studio took up the whole top floor and the remaining free room was a rehearsal space. Calvin and Ryan had this insane two piece thing going on and I remember thinking “these guys are phenomenal.” They canned it because they were lunatics and then I told them they should do the opposite of that, so they picked up where they left off with surplus Josephs and now we’re pretty much all one extremely flatulent person. We have people calling us up all the time asking how to be a unit, how to function as a group of people and we have to say “look, Mr Fleetwood/McCartney/Corgan, we don’t have time for this. Just do your best”.
What’s the first record you bought?
The first full length record I bought was the Mission Impossible 2 soundtrack as it had Take A Look Around by Limp Bizkit on it. The first piece of music I ever paid for was Who Let The Dogs Out by Baha Men. That was on tape. Even as a child I knew it was awful and it’s probably in pristine condition somewhere.
What was your favourite VHS growing up?
Aged five and six I habitually watched Disney’s Robin Hood and the same documentary about sharks daily. When I was a bit older I recorded a softcore porn film called Walnut Creek that was shown on Channel 5. To this day I have no idea what the plot of that film was. I actually think most of my sexual awakening was facilitated by Robin Hood, The Foxiest Fox.
When was the last time you cried?
When I sing in the car it makes me cry, sometimes. I think that’s a sign.
Have you ever kissed someone & regretted it?
Are you telling me you didn’t like it?
Best Physical Feature?
Nosferatu is a well-loved film.
Worst physical feature?
The Late Twenties Gut Onslaught ft My Lower Torso.
Reasonably ok/not bad feature that you’re not fussed about?
I don’t give a toss about my veins.
Do you have any pets?
My family owns two cats that I named after much-loved British Comedy Overlords Vic and Bob. Bob is very clever and is very pert in his movements. Vic is fat and handsome and walks like John Wayne. The cats, I mean.
Ever picked up any injuries on tour?
I have a scar on my left hand. The year was 2009. My old band The Rolling Stones was being supported by Pulled Apart By Horses and Grammatics (RIP), and in the last section of the last song of the last night of tour we got everyone on stage to play the last riff with us. Rory (Bassist, Grammatics) was playing guitar next to me and I moshed my hand into the head of his guitar and it got gashed open by the cut-off string ends. When you play heavy gauge guitar strings the three thinnest ones are like needles when you trim them off at the tuners. It narrowly missed my guider (correct medical term) and I went into shock after we finished the gig. I got taken to the hospital in the van and was on the phone telling someone I was in an ambulance. Also, Rory had been running around getting everyone else set up and neglected to actually plug his guitar into the amp, so he was purely there for added visual presence. There is a video of this on YouTube. I also have a scar on my ribs that I got by lifting myself up to talk to someone on the other side of temporary festival fencing. This one big screw was a real hard nut and it sliced me up and stole my glasses.
What did you do for your last birthday?
I played covers at a Christmas party for various companies in and around Bury. It was bleak and considering I was already enduring some pretty intense heartbreak and the kind of mental health Gollum would relate to, really quite horrible. All I wanted to do was be surrounded by people I liked but instead I had a drunk American man telling me how he fancied all the girls who worked at the venue.
Name something you CANNOT wait for?
Arctangent. When we played last year it was the best day of our lives, but you already knew I was going to say that.
Do you have a crush on someone?
I’m a sucker for an intelligent, funny person with a nice face who foolishly thinks I’m as good as they are. It could be you, BCFB.
What’s the shittest experience you’ve had as a musician?
I have been extremely fortunate and I am thankful to whichever anonymous spiritual benefactor has been supporting me all this time. All the times I’ve travelled far to play to an empty room or made absolutely no money do not measure up to how other people can make you feel. I would say, there are no shitty experiences that spring to mind as a musician, just shitty experiences as a person while being (or attempting to be) a musician. People are awful at talking things through, and I think that’s one of the most important skills you can have. Understanding is paramount, without that you might as well be Axl Rose.
If you could go back in time, how far would you go?
As a child I wanted to be a Euoplocephalus. That’s a species of dinosaur that’s kind of like a blunt Triceratops. They had a big bony tail club rather than spikes. I used to put a tape measure down the back of my pants and pretend that was my tail. I’d like to go back to the late Cretaceous period and enquire about vacancies, or ride one of those into the sea.
How do you want to die?
What’s your favourite thing about pizza?
I actually find pizza somewhat treacherous. Some people don’t make good pizzas, and when you’re in the mood to have one and you unknowingly align yourself with one of these monsters, you’re going the wrong way down a one way street. I exclusively eat sand, then I know where I stand.
What are you craving right now?
A shave. Genetics are particularly cruel when they provide you with facial hair, but not in a pleasing way.
Have you ever been on a horse?
What did you dream about last night?
Part of it had Prince Charles interviewing another famous person, except Prince Charles didn’t look like Prince Charles. He’s a slippery freak.
If you could go back in time and kill the baby Hitler, would you?
Having studied numerous videos on YouTube I can confirm most infants spend the majority of their idiot lives falling. I don’t think I could hurt a baby dictator, but I would happily watch them deck it. I’d wait for little Adolf to fall and then I’d wander over to him and say ” when the time comes,be the Fünrer, not the Führer”.
Do you like Chinese food?
Generally speaking I find it a bit bland. A lady once took me on a date to a really nice Chinese Restaurant and that was good. It depends what it is, and where from.
Have you ever been on TV?
You can view a list of my on-screen appearances at: www.imdb.com/SteveBuscemi
Ever meet someone famous?
The quickest story I have about that is that I once dropped a tub of Vaseline at an airport and Ben Elton picked it up for me.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
A baby again.